Contrary to the name, a Yoruba demon is not always necessarily a Yoruba person, but we’ll get into that later. First, you need to run away.
Why should you be running away, you ask? Well, that is simply because, as a Yoruba demon, I have no good plans for your heart, save to break it. My thoughts of you, while not of outright evil, are definitely not of good. You say you want love? Well, I will give it to you, in spades, and then take it from you when you don’t even see it coming. My agbada is starched with the tears of broken hearts, and I need yours for my next laundry day.
And even though I have advised you to run, let me just tell you that you cannot escape me. You think this is my first rodeo? I am a hunter, and you are my prey; you are not the first I have hunted, and you will not be the last, and I never miss my mark. I live for the thrill of the hunt, because the longer you resist, the more fun the experience is. So run, little deer, because zaddy is coming, and he will not be denied.
A Yoruba demon: Who am I?
The term Yoruba demon is slang for a young man who has the uncanny gift of making ladies fall for him effortlessly and without stress. A naturally gifted Casanova and smooth talker, he prides himself in being able to acquire a harem of beautiful female admirers and side chicks, all of whom are tied around his middle finger.
The word started as a joke on social media around 2015 or thereabout and has since become a recognized slang in Nigeria. And although it has also been used as an insult or ethnic slur sometimes, you don’t necessarily have to be of Yoruba descent to be a Yoruba demon, as mentioned above. Maybe it actually originated as a Yoruba term, but it has grown to become so widely accepted that any playboy with heartbreaking tendencies can also be called a Yoruba demon.
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But even at this, it is still usually used exclusively for Yoruba men, since they are seen as the prominent heartbreakers in the scene. Especially those named Femi and Ayo.
Yoruba demons are usually associated with wedding parties (also known as Owambes); we are usually the groomsmen or friends of the groom, typically dressed in Yoruba native attire like Agbada.
And of course, we always appear neat and smartly dressed; it is part of our charm, along with impeccable grammar and slick tongues. It is not for nothing that we are the inspiration behind so many songs and movies.
How to become a Yoruba demon
Get a Traditional Attire
As mentioned above, Yoruba demons are usually associated with Owambes, which means we need to dress for the occasion. The trad is sort of our unofficial uniform – Agbada, Buba and Sokoto – all soaked and starched with tears from broken hearts. If you don’t own at least one piece of trad, then you are not yet ready to undertake this journey.
And while the other colors of trad are quite popular, the black trad is another step higher. Think of it as a badge of honor, a medal that only the most prolific heartbreakers can wear. The black trad is like a black belt in judo; not just anyone is allowed to wear it. You need to work for it.
But once you have attained this rank, you’re no longer a common Yoruba demon; you’re now a henchman of Lucifer himself. So wear it, look devastatingly hot in it, and go forth to break more hearts and cause more tears to flow.
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Some Dark Shades
There’s a reason why spies and top secret agents always wear dark sunglasses; to protect their eye movements. And Yoruba demons are one of Nigeria’s top secret agents, infiltrating hearts without leaving a trace of suspicion. Even when talking to one girl, they are always on the hunt, scoping out like four others.
Hence, the glasses are critical, along with the ability to split your concentration so that your eyes and ears work independently of each other.
At least two Phones – The main one and the supporting ones
Of course, you gotta have at least two phones; you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket. You’re playing a game involving numerous participants, which means you must dedicate certain resources to always remain one step ahead. He who wants to eat the honey inside the rock will not fear the blade of the ax, the popular Yoruba adage says.
So, you will need to get a main phone, probably an iPhone, the latest version for better attraction, and then backup phones. Probably Samsung, the latest models also.
Get a Posh Ride
You want to become a Yoruba demon and you no get car? You’re not yet serious with this venture. Or how else do you propose to attract your prey? By jumping korope? The practice of “give the bike man the phone, let me talk to him” is for the trenches and wannabes; a proper Yoruba demon goes to pick his prey, all the better to show that faux sense of commitment before the final act.
So you must have a car, the classier, the better, and girls must see you in that car. How else will you convince them that you can take care of them? My friend, come back when you’re ready.
Have a main chick, and like 24 side chicks
The main chick is the one you show to the world, whose number is stored on the iPhone. She is the one you really love (if you are indeed capable of such an emotion) and plan to marry.
The side chicks are the ones who reside on the contact list of the secondary Samsung phones, and they get to enjoy your money and false declarations of love and attention. But there is one rule; you never, EVER get photographed with them. That never ends well.
Perfect your sincere smile, and lubricate your tongue well for lying
These are your main instruments when you have cornered your prey. Your smile should be perfected to look so sincere that when it shines, hearts flutter, and panties all but drop at the sight. This is how you melt the ladies’ hearts.
Your tongue is also not to be left out of the equation; after all, this is where the well of lies springs from. You cannot let them suspect a thing; hence you must be a smooth operator. Have backup lies for your backup lies. Lie circles and other mathematical shapes around them. It is your legacy.
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Leave a gaping hole in place of your heart, and possess a cheating spirit
Why are you looking surprised? Did you think the rank of Yoruba demons can be attained by mere mortals? Hell no! You must transcend the mortal and become… something more, and that cannot be possible with a mere, human heart still beating in your chest. Your humanity makes you weak, hence you must give it up.
And when your heart is gone, a cheating spirit will be invited to settle into where it used to be. And just like that, you have become a Yoruba demon.
Leave a string of broken hearts in your wake
Break them! Break them all! Broken hearts are our medals of honor, and the more you have broken, the higher your rank, to the extent that you might reach a point where you don’t have to do the deed yourself; you outsource the heartbreak to a lesser demon, probably a novice, and you take the credit.
And lastly, as a Yoruba demon, your work is never done. Ladies no dey hear word; even with me practically giving away all our secrets here, some of them will still see the signs and jump headfirst into it, just like this guy.
These are your targets as a Yoruba demon, and you will always find them. So you keep moving forward, break more hearts, and don’t look back. Aluta continua!
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