A friendship breakup may not sound as serious as a romantic relationship. You may roll your eyes like: “Who friendship epp?” However, it can be quite a painful experience, especially if you have maintained a close friendship with a person for a long time.
Ashley Mateo wrote in Oprah Magazine, “Our brain doesn’t know the difference between a romantic or platonic relationship.”
The same can be said for our heart, which is the centre of all sentimental feelings. Either way, learning how to get over a friendship breakup is important. Keep reading to get more information.
What is friendship breakup?
Friendship breakup refers to when your platonic relationship with someone close to you ends. Splitting from a friend, especially one who is considered a BFF (best friend forever) is hard, even harder than a broken romantic relationship. You can come to terms that your romance with your partner can end. However, you rarely see the end of a great friendship coming.
A friend is someone you rely on for emotional support, continuity, socialisation and processing. According to Akua Boateng PhD, a licensed psychotherapist specialising in individual and couples therapy in Philadelphia, “friendships can play a role in your overall mental and emotional health. When they end, it’s a big shift”.
There are different reasons why a friendship breakup happens. It could be that it has turned so toxic to the point of betrayal. One-sided friendship is another reason, with one friend doing all the work while the other does not reciprocate. Then there is incompatibility in which each person conveys their opinions, needs, boundaries, and expectations differently. Also, a lack of communication can end a friendship when both parties are struggling to make time for each other.
Do not forget that people change all the time. No one remains the same forever. Your childhood bestie may not fit into your lifestyle as an adult and vice versa. Circumstances can destroy friendships. For instance, a married person may choose not to hang out with their single friend anymore.
In other words, friendship break up can be complicated. Although it is hard, it can be necessary especially if your friendship with someone is draining you physically, mentally and emotionally.
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How to get over friendship breakup
Some friendships naturally drift apart. Some people are meant to come into your life for a season and leave. Those are okay. But it is a different story for close friendships which we do not often expect. This is why such a breakup can be quite so painful.
If you are in that situation, here are seven ways to get over that friendship breakup.
1. Grief
It is okay to grieve the end of a close friendship. That grief is as real and as valid as any other feeling. You and your ex-friend had probably shared some of the most memorable times of your life. The endless gist, hangouts and connection cannot just be erased like they are nothing. Acknowledge your pain as it is the first step to healing.
2. Examine what went wrong
Friendships often turn sour because someone behaved insensitively. You need to find out why your friendship ended. Were you betrayed or did you betray your friend? Is work, marriage or babies that ended your friendship? If you are the guilty party, this is an opportunity to work on yourself. If not, you have every reason to be grateful that you have cut ties with someone who does not value you.
3. Practice self-care
Do not spend all day moping gloomily around the house. Turn your break up around by learning to take more care of yourself. Do not neglect your regular daily/weekly activities, even when you do not feel like doing them.
It helps to participate in things that you enjoy such as workouts, reading, watching movies, hanging out at your favourite spot or anything that brings you joy. As long as it is healthy and makes you feel better, just do it.
4. Talk to someone
It could be a parent, sibling, another friend or a professional therapist. They will help you find healthy ways to deal with the process. Also, knowing you have someone to talk to will make you realise you are not alone, which will help you heal.
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5. Create a distance
This includes muting or unfollowing the person on all their social media accounts and avoiding g places you know you will run into them, especially if those places are not necessary. Like a romantic relationship, being around things and places that remind you of your former friend will not help you move on. So you need to create some space or boundaries.
6. Research others in similar situation
You may think your friendship breakup is peculiar. But it may shock you of the many cases that may be even more serious than yours. All you need to do is pick up your phone and do some browsing on friendship breakups on the internet.
Knowing that your case is not different will make you feel better.
7. Make new friends
Losing that long-time close friend does not mean you have lost the capability of making new ones. So get out of that house and go hang out in places where you meet people who share the same interests as yours. Religious gatherings, social events and leisure spots, online communities are some of the best places to mingle with other people. All you have to do is prepare your mind to include someone new in your life.
Friendship break-up quotes
- “Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if contact is lost.”
- “I guess what they say is true/Friends come and go/But I never thought that would apply to you.”
- “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
- “Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flash through my mind, but I just smiled and said I used to.”
- “Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don’t care, because they don’t.”
- “I would rather have no friends than fake ones.”
- “The worst thing ever is seeing your best friend slowly replacing you with another friend.”
- “Friendships cause heartbreaks too.”
- “I didn’t lose a friend. I just realized I never had one.”
- “I hate how we’ve drifted apart, but then again, if you won’t make an effort to keep me in your life, why should I?”
- “Sometimes you have to unfollow people in real life.”
- “The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.”
- “Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.” — Frank Ocean
- “It hurt because it mattered.” — John Green
- “Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that some people only enter your life as a temporary happiness.”
- “Only those who care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.”
- “I’ve come to realize that the only people I need in my life are the ones who need me in theirs even when I have nothing else to offer but myself.”
- “Do yourself a favour and learn how to walk away… there are tons more waiting to love you better. Do better.” — Reyna Biddy
- “It took me way too long to realize that you shouldn’t be friends with people who never ask how you’re doing.”
- “Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their need changes, so does their loyalty.”
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