Love is a beautiful thing especially with the right partner. However, it is often interchanged with infatuation. Both are exhilarating feelings, often conjuring up fantasies that keep us up late at night.
But love and infatuation are different. Now, the question is how to tell the difference and that is what this article will look into.
What is love?
Love is a deep feeling of affection and connection to a person for whatever reason. It is characterised by intimacy, passion, and commitment. When you are in love, you feel close to the person. You want to share intimacy with this person. You are willing to do anything to make the person happy because they make you happy and complete no matter the circumstances.
What is infatuation?
Like love, infatuation is a strong positive feeling towards another person. However, it is usually an extremely strong attachment which is why it is usually mistaken for love.
Difference between love and infatuation
1. Reality vs fantasy
True love often develops based on something real. You have come to terms to this person’s personality, whether good or bad, and accepted them for who they are.
Infatuation, on the other hand, often develops from an idealised version of the love interest. Like love, infatuation is a deep connection and you might even share common interests with the person, but those feelings are based on what you think the person should be, and not what they already are. This is why infatuated people’s relationships do not last long.
2. Love is based on individuality, infatuation is based on perfection
Infatuation is like having a crush on someone as a teenager. To you, this person is perfect despite all the red flags staring you in the face. But the “highness” of the infatuations will not let you notice those red flags. In fact, you may even convince yourself that they are cute.
Love, on the other hand, acknowledges those flaws and still accepts the person wholeheartedly. They do not see the flaws as cute, but will help you to be more empathetic, kind, and looking to find solutions to any shortcomings.
3. Love brings contentment, infatuation heightens cravings
When you are in love, you are content with what you have. You are not looking for more. Just being with this person you are in love with is enough. With love, you can just be yourself knowing that you are in safe hands.
Infatuation does not give satisfaction but increases your craving which can lead you to behaviours that may cause you more harm. For instance, infatuation may make you have sex with your love interest when you are not ready just because you are scared you may lose the person to someone else.
Love is not like that. Love is patient and kind and will never let you do something when you are not ready.
4. Love plans for the future, infatuation fantasises the future
It is common for people who are infatuated to plan the future around their fantasies, often without the input of their love interest. You like this guy and you are already planning a wedding at an exotic island without asking the guy if he feels the same way about you. That is what infatuation does which usually ends in premium tears when reality sets in.
With love, you take practical steps towards your future alongside your partner. You involve them in everything, including the wedding, children, career and even your old age.
5. Love allows vulnerability, infatuation allows assumptions
Love is a deeply emotional and mental feeling. When you are in love, you become vulnerable which fosters a real sense of intimacy with your partner. You trust them to keep your deepest secret despite knowing the potential harm it can cause if it is exposed.
With infatuation, most of what you know about the other person is superficial. You do not know them really well. You only only know them based on their looks, wealth or swag.
6. Love breeds bonding, infatuation breeds obsession
With love, there is a calm knowing that this is your last bus stop. You are also aware that the other person feels the same way and they are willing to work with you for a better future together. As a result, you feel content and at ease even when they are not around you.
Infatuation does not share the same certainty. Instead it is an irrational feeling full of lust and shallowness. You have increased heart rate and feel both aroused and anxious when you are not with them.
7. Love is developed by values, infatuation is developed by hormones
Love is related to values and the affection that grows over time which can foster a close relationship. It is not in a hurry to satisfy a need. Instead, it is all about putting the work to make your relationship better.
Infatuation is mostly fueled by hormones estrogen and testosterone. They drive your lust and attraction to someone else. Also, the the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine causes happiness and a sense of being rewarded, which is why you crave for someone more when they are not around. Oxytocin also called “the bonding chemical” compels you to become emotionally and physically closer to another person.
A combination of dopamine and oxytocin leads to infatuation especially when it is characterised by wanting to be with someone all the time.
Conclusion
Finding love is not easy. In fact, it can be confusing as you cannot tell if you are really in love or just infatuated. But here’s the thing, infatuation can be turned to love if you can work on it. After all, attraction comes before you fall in love.
Often times, you hear of people falling in love at first sight. Most times, it is just attraction and infatuation. Love develops overtime and it is more solid and can stand the rest of time.
Therefore, when someone is “entering your eyes” take a deep breath and evaluate what you are feeling. Look at the real person, not the one your head is telling you. If they possess what you want in a partner, then go ahead. If not, look the other way or you may regret it later.
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