Infidelity is very common among spouses. Although it can be traumatic for a spouse, it often doesn’t stop the other cheating spouse from cheating.
There are many reasons spouses cheat. It could be a habit, dissatisfaction with the other spouse, not being appreciated, boredom, revenge, to ease stress or peer pressure. Either way, being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. And it is even worse when there is no remorse from the cheating spouse.
Your cheating spouse can make you question your self-esteem. You’ll wonder what you have done wrong to push him or her to cheat. But how can you tell that your spouse is cheating? This is what this piece will discuss.
Cheating in marriage
If you have been a victim of cheating in marriage, the first question that comes to your mind is ‘why’? There are many reasons people cheat in their marriages. Here are the top five reasons:
Sexual dissatisfaction
This is the primary reason spouses cheat. Sexual dissatisfaction can also be summed up as sexual incompatibility. People often marry without first finding out if they are sexually compatible with their partners. This results in sexual dissatisfaction and frustration. The frustrated spouse will be forced to “look outside” for a solution for his or her sexual needs.
Lack of affection
This often happens when people are forced into an unhappy marriage. The cheating spouse has little emotional attachment to their partner. There’s no sexual desire or attachment. They may be committed to their marriage and trying to make it work, but they long for an intimate, loving connection with someone else. The cheating spouse, in this case, feels stuck in the marriage and only finds an escape through cheating. But this only brings pain to the other spouse, who should have been better off not married to that partner.
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Boredom
Sometimes, cheating is a result of boredom. A cheating spouse, in this case, is just looking for excitement away from the routine boring life he or she is accustomed to living. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their partners. However, they feel guilty whenever they cheat on their partners and try everything to hide their unfaithfulness.
Breakdown in communication
A once happily married couple can break apart due to a gradual lack of communication. You cannot tell how that happens. You just wake up one day to realize that you don’t communicate with your spouse as you used to. Break down in communication often leads to the feeling of being unappreciated, body image issues, lack of respect, and growing apart. All these can lead to a cheating spouse if they are not checked promptly.
Habit
You often hear, “a cheating partner remains a cheating partner”. The saying is sometimes true because most people who cheat don’t know how to stop. Once they have tasted the ‘forbidden fruit’, it is difficult to retrace their steps. Cheating becomes a habit. There are several reasons cheating can turn into a habit.
- Addiction to alcohol or drugs
- Sex addiction
- Pornography
- Mental health issues such as bipolar disorder
- Childhood trauma
Married women cheating signs
When we think of cheating spouses, we often point at men. But women can be chronic cheaters too. Some people believe women are the worse cheaters because a cheating woman’s husband will never find out until he is dead. While that is still up for debate, let’s look at ten signs a married woman is cheating.
She’s always on the phone but never calls you
You always see your wife on the phone. But when she is not around, and you call her, the line is busy. Even if it rings, she doesn’t pick up your calls. When you confront her, she gives you bogus reasons why she couldn’t pick up your calls. You know she’s online but when you chat her up, she doesn’t reply.
Meanwhile, you see her pressing her phone all the time. The worse part is she cringes anytime you go near her phone. Chances are, she’s communicating with her lover.
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She calls you another name during sex
Women are very emotional beings. This means they feel very attached to whom they’ve been intimate. If your wife is cheating on you, she may slip up and call the other guy’s name during sex. She is picturing him, imagining she was still with him instead of you.
She prefers hanging out with friends
It’s not a crime to hang out with friends. But when that becomes a habit with your wife, then she’s probably cheating on you. She will tell you she wants to hang with the girls, but that’s an excuse to rendezvous with a lover. When you do a discreet investigation, you may find out she hasn’t seen the friends you know for weeks or months.
She pays more attention to her appearance
Your once conservative wife now likes to appear sexy when going out. She had found someone she likes and wants to impress the person with her appearance just like she did with you when you both started a new relationship. Note that paying more attention to her looks doesn’t always mean that she is cheating. It may mean she wants to bring back the spark in your relationship if you two have been having problems.
It could also mean she wants to bring back her self-esteem after motherhood has dimmed her once beautiful looks. But when she’s obsessed with looking sexy before stepping outside the house, it’s a red flag that she’s probably cheating on you.
She avoids having sex with you
You suddenly don’t seem to turn her on anymore. Her sexual desires for you have dropped. Anytime you want to initiate sex, she gives you excuses. Someone else is satisfying her, and she doesn’t need you anymore as far as sex is concerned.
She doesn’t look happy
Women generally don’t know how to hide their feelings. When your wife continuously tells you she’s not happy in your marriage, she’s indirectly telling you she is cheating or wants to cheat on you. She also ignores you and has this glassy look in her eyes whenever you try to initiate conversation. Watch it. She’s probably thinking of her lover and wishing she was with him.
She picks fights a lot
Your wife starts nagging you over every little thing. Picking a fight, especially for no apparent reason, is the number one cheating behaviour. It is just a way of demanding some space to leave the house to meet her lover. It could also be her way of justifying her affair by telling herself that the marriage is not working.
She always has emergencies at work
Work can be tedious, and there may be times when you’re required to work overtime. But when it becomes unnecessarily too often, then she’s using it as a cover to meet her lover. She may be having an affair with a co-worker or the “work thing” actually means she’s having an affair with someone else.
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She comes home with expensive gifts she usually cannot afford
Is your wife coming home with gifts too often? Are the gifts more expensive than her budget? Does she go on shopping sprees more than before? She’s probably cheating with a rich lover who showers her with these expensive items. Some smart women will rather take monetary gifts into a separate secret account. But these things usually have a way of exposing themselves. It usually manifests in the form of expensive shopping.
She suddenly demands some independence and privacy
It’s fine for your wife to have some level of independence and privacy. She’s growing into a thriving and independent woman. But when it becomes an aggressively constant demand, someone who is not you or the kids is occupying her time. She doesn’t want you to go through her phone, or she has changed the passwords. It could also be that she feels indifferent about your feelings. She doesn’t want you questioning her newfound hobbies or including you in her decisions. All she cares about is being left alone to do her thing. If that’s the situation, it could be a warning sign that she’s cheating.
Cheating husband signs
A few weeks ago, we talked about ten signs a man loves his side chick. Here, we will just highlight 10 signs a husband is cheating on his wife.
- He is no longer sexually attracted to you.
- His hobbies and appearance suddenly change.
- Always picking fights as an excuse to leave the house.
- Changes password on his devices and doesn’t want you to go through them.
- He ignores you. Doesn’t want to spend time with you.
- Always having money problems. He’s spending it on her.
- Spends more time at work.
- Gives too many details about his whereabouts.
- Changes his attitude towards you. He’s suddenly short-tempered, easily distracted, depressed, and moody.
- His line is often busy. He’s not reachable when he goes out.
How to get the truth from a cheating spouse
- Listen to your partner. You can tell he or she is lying with their words.
- Create a relaxing environment during the conversation. It will make a cheating spouse let his or her guard down and slip up that they are cheating.
- Suppose your partner tells you a story about where and what they’ve been doing; retell the story incorrectly. You can catch them out with the way they deny or agree.
- Use open questions that require more than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ It will force your cheating spouse to start talking and spill the affair in the process.
- Pretend you know they are cheating. Say something like, “I know you were not in the office last night.” Bluffing is a perfect way of getting your cheating spouse to confess.
- Show empathy for what your cheating spouse is going through. It will make them feel comfortable enough to open up to you.
- Add traps to your conversation. You can say something like, “so you went to the bar last night.” That will make the cheating spouse start scrambling for an answer.
- If nothing else works, just find proof and plainly tell your partner you know they are cheating.
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10 things your cheating spouse doesn’t want you to know
- They deny they are not aware that cheating is betraying your trust.
- A cheating spouse will lie about how many times he or she has cheated on you.
- They lie about enjoying cheating. They don’t tell you they’ve had a lot of fun.
- When you touch their phones, they accuse you of being paranoid and controlling. They don’t tell you that the phones are proof of their cheating.
- They apply reverse psychology and pin their cheating on you to take the spotlight off their behaviour.
- Your whining won’t stop them from cheating. So they want you to shut up.
- It’s their choice to cheat. “It just happened” is a lie.
- “You have to trust me,” doesn’t apply to them no matter what they tell you. They don’t want you to know they are not reliable.
- They know why they cheat, but they will say they don’t.
- They are talking trash about you to their side chicks and dudes.
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