We’ve all been at that point in our lives where we see our friends doing something and we feel the urge to join them, not necessarily because we want to or we’re interested in that particular activity, but because we don’t want to be left behind. It can be a good thing, like reading overnight for an exam when we’d rather sleep soundly, or it can be the other way around like clubbing, partying, and indulging in its related vices. That is peer pressure.
What is Peer Pressure?
Peer pressure is that feeling that makes someone do something they wouldn’t normally do, just to feel valued and accepted by their friends; that want to be seen as cool. Every human being, no matter how solitary or introverted, has that deep, innate desire to fit in, to associate with and be associated with. Nobody wants to be a lone wolf; even lone wolves are not that by choice, and the moment they get their hands on a partner, they’re starting a new pack.
It is this feeling that makes you see someone doing something and want to emulate them, especially if it’s someone you admire and look up to. And while most people hear the term peer pressure and immediately assume it’s negative, this is not always the case. Sometimes, it can be positive and rewarding, and help improve quality of life.
Causes of Peer Pressure
Contrary to the image above, peer pressure doesn’t always involve external coercion, like friends making you do something or you’ll be ostracized or cut off or something. No, sometimes and more often than not, the feeling comes from within, especially in cases of people with low self-esteem. Your friends might just be living their lives without knowing that you’re breaking your back to emulate them.
And also contrary to popular opinion, peer pressure isn’t limited to teenagers and young adults alone. Yeah, you read that right. Mummies and daddies, you’re also susceptible to peer pressure. Mummy Shukura sees her friend, Mummy David buying expensive jewelry in preparation for New Year’s Day, so she too wants to do the same. But the problem is, Mummy David has a boutique, and her husband that stays abroad sends her money every month, whereas Mummy Shukura is a civil servant whose pension is not yet even sure.
Or Daddy Kafaya wants to copy his friend Daddy Jane and frequent F.M. Restaurant and Bar every night with different ladies, not knowing that Daddy Jane has mafia-like connections deep inside the Lagos State House of Assembly and receives contracts on a whim. Whereas he (Daddy Kafaya) is a clerk who works 8-5 every day and is still struggling to even drop money for soup for Mummy Kafaya. Isn’t that kasala preparing to burst on the horizon?
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That said, the following can cause peer pressure:
- Desire to avoid rejection and gain social acceptance.
- A desire to ‘fit in.’
- Personal/social confusion and/or anxiety
- Hormonal inconsistencies
- A lack of structure and personal identity
That last point is probably the major one, because the main reason teenagers are more susceptible to peer pressure is due to not having developed a personal identity. Take Michael, for example, who is an only child and attended posh private schools from kindergarten all the way to secondary school. Then he enters UNILAG and meets Ismail, who attended Olodo Community Grammar School… I know, it’s funny no matter how you pronounce it. And guess what, the school is not made up at all. You can Google it if you like. It’s in Ibadan.
Anyways, Michael meets Ismail, who is a hardcore gee, and they end up being friends, which brings Michael into Ismail’s circle. You can probably see where this story is going, right? Ismail and his crew have, to some extent, been exposed to the streets and have a lot of experience, so to speak, while Michael, an ajebutter as they say in the local parlance, has no identity to speak off. Needless to say, he will see their exploits as cool, and no matter how many verses of remember the son of whom thou art that his parents read to him before leaving home, he will be tempted to try them out.
Low self-esteem is also a potential cause of peer pressure. Just like in genetics, most friendships are usually composed of dominant and recessive elements. One friend who is spontaneous, a firebrand that is always onto this and that, while the second is generally laidback. Even if they are a group of more than just two, these elements are usually present, and if the latter have no strong sense of identity, they can find themselves easily carried along in the wake of their friends’ shenanigans.
But also, as said earlier, peer pressure isn’t always negative. A shy person, through their relations with an outspoken individual, can emulate them to become more confident. I remember a roommate of mine who came from Kaduna, whom I took under my benevolent wing and enlightened; unfortunately, he fell in with bad gangs in the area of football and, despite my best efforts, became a Liverpool fan. Another example of peer pressure.
A studious person can also influence their friends to academic excellence. I know how many overnight reading sessions I partook in not because I really wanted to, but because everybody else was doing it and I didn’t want to look unserious, and they were probably what saved my grades and life. Not necessarily in that order.
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Types of Peer Pressure
Direct Peer Pressure
This is probably the most powerful, and the most common, since it is what comes to everyone’s mind when you think of peer pressure. Direct peer pressure can be either verbal or non-verbal and can include forcing someone to choose a path based on direct options, like being handed a beer or blunt at a party. The idea here is that drinking the beer or taking a puff is not an option, but a requirement for social acceptance, and the decision to either take it or not has to be made on the spot.
Consequently, many would disregard their own views so as to avoid being rude or fit in. Just like the day I collected a drink at a party… not like I wanted to, but everybody else was drinking and I would have been the odd one out. My next vivid memory was waking up in my hostel at 6 am the next morning, extremely hungry.
Indirect Peer Pressure
Now this one is a spy. CIA level, very difficult to spot as it can exert a massive amount of influence on an impressionable individual. A person’s viewpoint of a thought, behaviour or situation may be seriously impacted by a larger group’s opinion. For example, if a popular clique bullies others, someone who wants to join them would believe that to do so, they have to start bullying also. A person may also consider risky behaviour just to gain acceptance.
Spoken Peer Pressure
Just like it suggests, this involves directly persuading or directing someone to behave in a certain way or take certain action in a specific manner. Mostly, if the pressured person is dealing with the situation alone, they might make their choices based on personal intuition, experiences, and observation. However, if they are being directed and monitored by a group, the pressure to conform is magnified, even when such actions directly oppose their personal values and beliefs.
Unspoken Peer Pressure
Take a group for example, that chooses to break curfew; some members might not feel inclined to do so, but since the decision has been made as a group, this will influence their actions and pressure them into following suit, even without direct instructions. Unspoken peer pressure and indirect peer pressure are members of the same CIA team, since they operate the same way.
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Negative/Positive Peer Pressure
Negative and positive influences work the same way, but the only difference lies in their outcomes. The former usually involves influences that persuade people towards perilous activities, and challenges beliefs and moral codes, and this can in turn seriously affect the person’s physical and mental health, as well as emotional stability. Also, it can damage personal relationships, undermine self-confidence and increase the chances of cultivating harmful traits like substance abuse.
Positive peer pressure, on the other hand, has the exact opposite effect. It can prove beneficial, as individuals may cultivate good habits from their social circle, which will lead to well-being and success, and can deter vices. This type of peer pressure can also inspire focus, determination, and hard work.
How To Deal With Peer Pressure
When it comes down to it, it is difficult to measure peer pressure because we are all different. Everyone interprets life through their own individual lens, and therefore, makes choices based on their convictions. However, even these core values are not immune to external influence, be it from friends, family, or other acquaintances.
So, how should you respond to peer pressure? Try the following:
- Practice saying no. No be every time you go dey nod head like agama lizard.
- Consider avoiding people who make you feel uncomfortable.
- Learn to recognize unhealthy dynamics.
- Question how you feel about certain situations as often as possible
- Be honest about how you truly feel.
- Ask for help
- Find friends who support health and wellbeing.
- Stand up for others when you see someone else being pressured. If you can do that, it would be hard for someone to make you do what you don’t want to.
- Spend more time with people who influence you in positive ways.
So, the concept is fairly simple: surround yourself with the right people, and stay away from the wrong ones. Or as the Yorubas will say, ma kegbekegbe.
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