Some African men often justify infidelity with the philosophy that they are polygamous in nature. But is that truly the case? Many married men keep side chicks or mistresses.
A popular Ghanaian singer some weeks earlier said being faithful to one woman may cause erectile dysfunction. His comment, expectedly sparked uproar on social media. While he could not back it scientifically, some medical practitioners have suggested men who do not ejaculate regularly are at higher risk of suffering prostate cancer. This has sparked excitement among men as they now claim they need more women to reduce their risk of developing cancer.
But why do men really want other women? Skabash spoke with six married men to share their views on why they keep side chicks and whether they are naturally polygamous.
Why men have side chicks
To understand the reason for infidelity in marriage. We asked married men between the ages of 32 and 55 to share their opinions. Here is what they said:
Taslim, 35
Man is by nature polygamous. God knows us better than ourselves; in the holy book, He said men can marry two to four wives if they have the capacity. This made it clear that it is just natural for men to have more than one wife. We can’t know ourselves more than the Lord that created us. Even Bible character, Abraham had more than one wife, likewise some other prophets.
Countless number of men who insist on having just one wife go behind and have side chicks. They know their wife is not their only partner. They just have them as a formal one at home and have lots of partners outside. Some wives are even aware of their husband’s infidelity but decide to keep quiet about it so far their spouse is not bringing them home.
It is just natural for men to have many partners; it’s not just about being moral or immoral. So instead of having side chicks or concubines outside, it is better to marry them inside and be peaceful at home, avoiding diseases and the like.
Oma, 55
A natural man, without the help of the Holy Spirit, can’t conquer the flesh by willpower. There is the role of discipline, chastity, and restraint, all of which come to life with the help of God.
Not only do married men tilt towards side chicks, they are involved in vices unimaginable like bisexuals. Married men get emboldened by either lack of cash and madam no gree or too much cash and can call the bluff of wifey. They claim preferences to their expectations, which they feel the side chicks satisfy.
Another reason men keep side chicks is because they feel their libido and youthfulness are alive and thus belong to the Gen Zs. Some want that #feelamongus status. Where amongst their peers they can present the spoils of conquest.
Beyond this, if, for some medical reasons, wife isn’t available, they get the needed satisfaction outside pending when she’s available. Some might have suffered childhood molestation from house helps or aunties; hence, they grow up wanting anything in skirts.
The reasons have grown hybrid with the availability of pornography at the click of the phone’s browser. The minds of many have grown warped, and these days decent living is thrown out of the window.
Personally, I have friends and colleagues of the opposite sex, but none is a side chick. God has been my stay and satisfaction. My sweet heart has been there for me in the good and really not too good times.
As far as I’m concerned, my personal conviction is that if anyone wants to enjoy life and see the increase of God’s hand of blessing and anointing, then you can’t keep side chicks. Actually let God take the center stage of one’s heart, and then you would encounter true prosperity.
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Awojobi, 39
Men are not truly polygamous in nature, a lot of things like financial problems lead to them becoming one. This happens when a man finds solace in another woman who gives him interest despite being financially incapable when the wife gives problems at home because of a financial crisis.
Parenting is also a factor. A man who comes from a polygamous family tends to find having more than one woman as the norm.
One of the major issues is sex addiction. It causes problems when the wife has given birth and her love for sex has reduced while the man is an addict. Men can also lose taste in their wives after childbirth when they change dress wise and all.
Abeeb, 32
Men cheat when they’ve had multiple sexual partners before marriage. It’s more likely they’ll not be satisfied with their wife.
A man whose wife denies him sex will also likely go out to look for it. If he sees free opportunities for sex, he will take it. If men are in a setting where they interact freely with other women and they see women who are ready to mingle. Some men may cheat.
While some men cheat by mistake, not planned, some are naturally promiscuous. So no matter what, they’ll still cheat.
Babatunde, 40
It was mentioned in the Holy Book that King Solomon married a lot of wives and has so many concubines. For this to be mentioned in the Holy Book, it means by nature we men are polygamous.
Secondly, a lot of factors are a reason. For someone you always stick around to and spend a lot of time together; although you might love each other, you would have seen it all.
Sometimes responsibility does weigh men down. You see a lot of married men sleeping beside their wives for months yet nothing like intercourse between them, maybe due to responsibilities, demands, or one or two reasons or the other.
But sometimes the comfort that they get from their side chicks, though it might be for a short period of time, will be calming and relieving.
Muri, 41
Many men keep side chicks due to the actions of their wives, trust issues, housekeeping, cooking, wives that disrespect, unfaithfulness, peer pressure, not selecting pals well, having new choices, and alcohol.
My own way of not doing so is knowing that its not Islamic, wastage, fear of being infected, and the fact that I see myself as a role model all the time.
Takeaway
From the response we got, it’s evident that men keeping side chicks is not just about them being polygamous in nature.
Other factors also come into play, like childhood molestation, as mentioned by Oma, loss of taste, sexual denial by the wife, and peer pressure, just to mention a few.
Instead of seeing other women, men can discuss the problems with their wives and find workable solutions to spice up their relationship.
For the men that cannot be tied down to monogamy, a much better solution, just like Taslim suggested, is having many wives instead of cheating.
Always ensure you call your wife to attention when there is a problem that needs to be fixed in your marriage. Discussing problems and fixing them together will make your bond stronger.
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