If you’re looking for an example of a stepchild that hates you, then Nollywood star Funke Akindele and her stepson should do it for you. Last week, Nollywood filmmaker and director JJC Skillz announced his separation from his superstar wife, Funke Akindele, after about five years of marriage. News about trouble in their marriage had already filtered to the media, thanks to JJC’s son Benito Bello, who added that his stepmother didn’t like him. From all indications, the feeling was mutual on his side and probably contributed to why the celebrity couple’s marriage is in trouble.
Having stepchildren can be quite challenging, especially if they openly hate you. For children, the idea of having a stepmother or father can be overwhelming, especially if they are already used to having their biological parents for themselves alone. They feel like their step-parents want to upstage them in their biological parents’ affections.
How to deal with a stepchild that hates you
Here are 9 tips to deal with a stepchild that hates you:
Know your stepchild’s needs
Yeah, your stepchild hates you, so what? That shouldn’t stop you from caring for his or her needs. Once you’ve agreed to marry the biological parent, you’ve also signed up for taking care of your stepchild. So instead of sulking that he or she hates you, focus on caring and loving. Make them feel safe, value them, and listen to them. With time, they will come around to liking you.
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Empathise with your stepchild
It’s not easy to have someone new in your life. Adolescents have the hardest time adjusting to having a step-parent in their lives since they are already used to having their biological parents alone to themselves. They already have to deal with developmental changes in their bodies. Add having a step-parent to the mix and you can understand why they don’t exactly accept you. Make efforts to understand what your stepchild. It will help you navigate how to build a healthy relationship.
Don’t try to replace your stepchild’s parent
Don’t ever try to take the place of or replace your stepchild’s biological father or mother. Be warm and friendly. Do your best to take care of your stepchild but don’t make him or her feel you are better than the biological parent. Children always feel a strong sense of loyalty to their parents. So they may feel they are betraying their parents if they openly like you. If you give a hint that you’re better, they will resist you. Do your best for them and allow them to like you for you and not because you are better than their parents.
Plan fun things with your stepchild
Okay, they may turn you down when you suggest having family time at the beach or garden, mall, or wherever. But don’t stop trying. Here’s a tip, when you suggest family time with your stepchild, ask him or her to bring a friend or two. It will help make your stepchild relax around you knowing that a close friend is nearby. Besides, a little change of environment will give both of you time to bond with each other.
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Don’t bad mouth your stepchild’s parent
So your stepchild has frustrated you to a breaking point by constantly comparing you with their absent parent. Don’t give in to bad-mouthing the parents. You don’t really know why they left. Your partner may have been bereaved and the child may be feeling angry for being abandoned. So they may take out their anger on you. Even if their absent parents are still alive somewhere, don’t bad-mouth them. Instead, try to have a healthy relationship with them for the sake of your new family so it won’t add more burden to your stepchild.
Don’t hate your stepchild back
You see that saying, “hate me, I hate you” shouldn’t apply to where your stepchild is concerned. Even if they play all manner of pranks on you to drive you to a murderous point, resist the urge to reply with the same energy. Leave them alone to come to terms that you’re here to stay. When they are done hating you, they will have no choice but to like you or at least respect you.
Don’t try to buy your stepchild’s love
So you’ve tried your best to get your stepchild to like you for who you are but it’s not working. So you resort to bribing them to buy their love. Uh, bad idea. For how long will you be able to keep that up? Don’t start what you can’t finish because I assure you, your tactics won’t last. Don’t buy your stepchild’s love with gifts. Show them genuine love and care, dazzol.
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Allow your stepchild have quality time with biological parent
One of the major reasons your stepchild hates you is because they feel you will make their biological parent abandon them. You can change that impression by allowing your partner to have quality time with the child. In fact, why don’t you take the initiative by planning parent-biological quality time for them? Once your stepchild sees you have no intention of displacing them in the parent’s affection, it will help reduce the negative opinion about you.
Ask for help
If all else is done and you seem not to break the ice with your stepchild, perhaps it is time to consider seeking help outside your home. You can confide in a trusted family member or friend. You can also consult a professional therapist on how to heal with your stepchild that hates you. Either way, it’s fine. Don’t bottle your feelings to avoid someone getting hurt.
Conclusion
Building a happy family can be challenging especially where there is a stepchild involved. It can be really frustrating and heartbreaking if that child makes no effort in disguising the fact that you’re not wanted. To work through that journey successfully, be consistent in your love and care, give your stepchild space to come to terms with your presence, and let them feel you will always be there whenever they need you.
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