Can you forgive your spouse if you find out he or she is having an extramarital affair? Do you expect your spouse to forgive you if they catch you in an extramarital affair? You see, no marriage is perfect. Sometimes, couples clash over certain issues or endure one another’s shortcomings. But when an extramarital affair comes in, something about the relationship has shifted.
For starters, the trust is gone, and it will be difficult to be regained. However, we should remember that extramarital affairs don’t happen suddenly. Some factors lead to it. This is why married couples need to be watchful and intentional about their relationships, so there wont be a third party “eating their food.”
What is extramarital affairs?
Extramarital affairs having emotional or physical relationships between a married person and another one other than their spouse. In Biblical terms, it’s called adultery which is against Christian beliefs and doctrines. Oftentimes, people who engage in extramarital affairs tend to hide because they know they’re doing something wrong. Sometimes they end the affair before they’re caught or continue until they’re caught.
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Can extramarital affairs be true love?
Well, when we think about King Charles and Camilla’s love story, it gives true insight into if extramarital affairs can be a result of true love between adulterous couples.
So, the answer is yes. However, it comes with a clause that can have a devastating ending for those involved. Far too often, extramarital affairs that started in the name of true love always end in disappointment. So, if you’re on this table thinking yours will end like Charles and Camilla, be careful. It’s one thing to start a sizzling affair, it’s another thing to transform it into a working and stable relationship. The latter is difficult and takes years to accomplish.
According to the book, The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette written by Judith Brandt, only 5% of affairs end in marriage, and mostly end badly. Therefore, if you’re ready to end your marriage because you’ve found true love with the other person, be ABSOLUTELY sure that this is indeed the once-in-a-lifetime kind of love you’ve been seeking before you take the next obvious step.
Rules of extramarital affairs
The truth is that extramarital affairs are wrong and immoral, no matter the reasons for going into it. However, since a lot of married couples are doing it regardless of the morals, there’s nothing wrong with putting down the rules. So here we go…
Treat it like an affair
Remember, you’re not married to the person you’re cheating with. So, there is no need for any form of commitment. In other words, don’t take the affair too personally or think of living ever after with that person. There are more chances that you will end up miserable than happy.
Understand why you’re having an extramarital affair
Tell yourself the truth. Why do you want to cheat on your spouse? Is it because they’re not giving you attention? Adequate sex? Constant conflict at home? Be honest with yourself before starting an affair outside your marriage.
Know what you want from the extramarital affair
If you just want sex, let the person you’re cheating with know. Your partner should also know if you’re looking for something deeper than that. This is important because you don’t want the person you’re cheating with to “catch feelings” for you when all you want is sex. Don’t allow what happened in Fatal Attraction to happen to you. And if you’re looking for a deeper connection, make sure the person you’re cheating with feels the same way otherwise, you’ll be chopping breakfast while you’re married.
Don’t get caught
Unless you’re sure that you want your marriage to end, don’t ever get caught in your extramarital affairs. So clean up after yourself. Don’t carry the lipstick-smeared or cologne-smelling cloth to your partner at home. Delete all chats with your cheating partner. Don’t do anything that will raise your spouse’s suspicions.
Practice safe sex
Look at Yul Edochie‘s situation and advise yourself. Practice safe sex so you won’t have a baby outside your marriage and be forced to “take responsibility.” Also, protect yourself so you won’t carry STDs to your spouse. Use condoms, and if you’re a woman use any family planning method available to prevent any form of pregnancy so DNA test will not disgrace you one day.
Compartmentalise your relationship
One of the awful things about having extramarital affairs is mixing your affair with your marriage. As in the partner you’re cheating with knows everything that’s going on in your marriage or you’re confusing your spouse with the person you’re having an affair with. Keep your affair away from your marriage and vice versa. The most foolish affair thing is having an extramarital affair with someone in you and your spouse’s social circle. See you, see drama.
Be ready for the consequences
Zero your mind to the fact that somebody will get hurt with your extramarital affair. It could be you or the person you’re cheating with, and definitely your partner. Don’t live in denial that everything will turn out fine. That’s not true. So, be prepared for whatever comes out of your illicit relationship.
Warning signs of extramarital affairs
If you’re wondering if your spouse is cheating on you, here are tell-tale signs to confirm your suspicions:
- Spends longer working hours outside.
- Develops sudden new hobbies that keep him or her outside the house.
- Suddenly possessive over their phones. As in, they won’t allow you to touch their phones.
- Change in attitude towards you.
- Sudden physical attention to their appearance.
- You cannot reach him or her at certain times of the day or night.
- Avoids physical or sexual intimacy with you.
- Cannot explain how he or she spends money.
- Suddenly develops secretive or mysterious behaviour. As in, your spouse lies all the time or calls and sends texts when they think you’re not looking.
How extramarital affairs start
Extramarital affairs generally start from not being satisfied with marriage. Some people are forced to marry early. Others enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Many enter into marriage with genuine intentions of making it last a lifetime, but some vulnerable moments may make them rethink their decisions. All these lead to having an extramarital affair. When the spark needed in marriage is no longer there, or there is constant conflict, spouses tend to look for “peace” outside.
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Also, parenthood plays a major role in causing extramarital affairs. Everyone knows pregnancy changes a woman’s body, maybe permanently. So her husband may no longer find her new body attractive and looks for a fresher chick outside. In marriages, women tend to spend more time looking after their kids. The husband may feel neglected and find himself cheating. In other words, having kids comes with responsibilities that can affect marriages.
Midlife crisis is another issue that creates extramarital affair. How else can one explain why a married man would start having an affair with a woman young enough to be his daughter or a married woman having an affair with a man young enough to be her son? There comes a time when one is tired or scared of being old and decides to have an affair to see if one’s still got it.
Consequences of extramarital affairs
- Feeling of guilt, especially when you can no longer control your feelings for the person you’re cheating with
- Losing the love and trust of your spouse and possibly children.
- Damage to the self-esteem of the spouse being cheated on.
- May lead to an unwanted baby or deadly STDs.
- The cheating spouse may become a victim of blackmail by the partner he or she cheated with or other people that are aware of the affair.
- May lead to bitter separation and divorce.
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