Communication is one of the basic foundations of a healthy relationship. Without it, the relationship is as good as dead. Couples should be able to talk to each other, relate to each other, and simply consider each other when making major decisions.
Now that you understand how important communication is, the question should be, what are the effective communication techniques for a long-lasting and healthy relationship? There are plenty of techniques, but you should understand that none of them will work if you do not put in the work.
In other words, you must want to apply these techniques and do them properly. Therefore, here are 10 effective communication techniques every couple should know.
10 effective communication techniques for a healthy relationship
1. Process your feelings first before you communicate
Some people do not know how to think first before acting and it usually ends in a disaster. Before you talk, try to process how you feel first especially if you are angry. This will give you time to calm down and avoid any potential clashes that might happen due to anger problems.
Take a quick walk, listen to a relaxing music or do some relaxing chores like washing plates to help you calm down and think. After that, you can say what you want to say to your partner in a calmer mood.
2. Choose the right time
Learn to communicate with your partner at the right time. For instance, it is wrong to confront your partner when they are already in a bad mood. Even if they are at fault, they are unlikely to listen to what you have to say and may even blame you for everything which can make you feel the wrong way.
Instead, wait until their mood improves. You can even speed up the improvement by doing something that may make them happy. For instance, you can cook him a favorite dish or crack a joke that will guarantee a laugh from her and so on.
When they are in a better mood, you can say what you want to say politely, without making them feel blindsided or ambushed.
3. Use “I” statements
Using “I” statement is a way of expressing your understanding, beliefs, ideas, and feelings. However, “you” statements only give the impression about understanding, beliefs, ideas and feelings you attribute to your partner. It can hurt especially if you are wrong and that can escalate issues to where you do not expect them to go.
In other words, “I” says, “I don’t like what you said to me the other day,” while the “you” statement says, “you said something stupid to me the other day.”
4. Stay in the moment
It hurts when you are trying to say something and the person you are talking to is focusing elsewhere. Also, bringing up past issues that have nothing to do with the present situation is wrong. The first makes you feel unheard and unseen while the second might push your partner to a defensive position which may not turn out well for anyone.
To stay in the present moment, look your partner in the eye. If possible, switch off the television, remove your phone or other devices. Both of you need to talk without all these distractions.
5. Listen, don’t interrupt
Pay attention to what is being said and do not try to assert your opinion when the other person is still speaking. Actively listening helps you gain a clearer understanding of your partner’s perspective which allows you to respond in a meaningful way. It also helps your partner feel valued and understood.
But when you are always interrupting, your partner may not appreciate and this can escalate things quickly.
6. Repeat what you were told
One of the effective ways of communicating with your partner is repeating what they said back to them. This will make them feel you were listening even when you appeared that you were not.
To do this, simply paraphrase what they said. For instance, if your partner said, “I went to the market today but I couldn’t find the jeans you wanted.” You can say something like, “you went to the market but you couldn’t find those jeans? Did you try so and so market?”
This is an effective way of telling your partner that you were listening.
7. Ask for clarification
Instead of interrupting your partner, you should just ask them to explain what they said that you do not understand. Sometimes, we may not know how to express ourselves properly. So asking for clarification is an effective way for your partner to open up further and share deeper explanation as they try to communicate.
This will help you to understand them more easily and foster a closer bond between you two.
8. Respect your partner’s opinion
Resist the temptation of rolling your eyes or scoffing when your partner is trying to communicate. Even if you do not agree with what they are saying, respect their opinion.
One easy way of destroying your communication with your partner is being condescending to their opinions. You will only make them feel unheard which can affect their self esteem negatively. Couples should always respect one another and champion their causes together. But when one person is always disregarding the other person’s opinion, how do you expect that relationship to remain healthy?
9. Be honest
It is not necessary to coat your words with lies just to make your partner feel good. You can be honest and avoid hurting their feelings at the same time. For instance, instead of telling her that she looks like Miss Universe in that dress while the opposite is the case, you can say something like, “babe you are beautiful but that dress does not work for you at all.”
Also, staying silent when you should be speaking out will not help you in your relationship. Share your feelings, admit your wrongdoing and apologise. Sharing your honest feelings to each other will bring you closer than ever.
10. Compliment each other
Thank your partner for opening up about their feelings. Appreciate them for the efforts they are making, no matter how little. Tell your partner what you love about them and what you expect from them as a way of appreciation. This can creative positive feelings that will build a stronger and long-lasting relationship.
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