No woman prays for a cheating partner. Even a chronic cheat definitely does not want to be cheated on. But what will you do if you find out that your partner is cheating on you? There are usually two options – be driven into a state of deep despair to the point of suicide or fly into a flaming rage that can land you in jail.
However, there are other options, a much safer option that will keep your mental health intact and even keep your out of the morgue or prison. So aunty be calming down. Grab your popcorn and soft drink and learn 7 easy ways to handle a cheating partner without hurting yourself.
7 easy ways to handle a cheating partner
1. Stay calm
Easier said than done, you may say. “Who the hell stays calm when they find out that their partner is cheating on them?” You may ask. But this simple act has saved a lot of women from trouble.
The truth is it is not easy staying calm when you discover your partner is cheating. The knowledge can be devastating, leading to a wide range of emotions such as anger, distrust, feelings of worthlessness, shame, and low self-esteem, among others. At this point, you are not thinking rationally which can lead you to make decisions that you will regret later.
This is why staying calm is important. Forming “no-nonsense” woman that you see in movies will not serve you well. But when you stay calm, you will have time to decompress and think rationally about the next step to follow.
2. Gather your evidence
Once you have calmed down, begin gathering evidence of your partner cheating. Contrary to popular opinions, you are allowed to go through his phone to see chats, calls or video calls he made to the other partner. You must have a concrete evidence so you will not base your accusations on mere hearsay.
It is important to gather evidence to avoid future life complications like contracting sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis and other serious STIs. Even if your partner openly admits to cheating, he may lie about the number of partners he has had. So it is important to do all your findings before taking any further steps.
3. Get tested
Before confronting your partner, ensure you get tested to find out if you have contracted any STI. If you are positive, begin treatment immediately. If not, thank your God and stop any form of intimacy with him for now.
To resume bedroom activities, ensure your partner is tested too. If he is clean and you want to go ahead with the relationship, think it’s fine. If he has STI, he must should go for treatment first before anything else.
4. Confront your partner
Now that you have gathered all the evidence you need to confirm that your partner is being unfaithful, you can now go ahead to confront him about it. However way you want to do it is up to you but it is best if you do not start a quarrel that will push him to be on a defensive mode and totally gaslight you.
Your feelings of betrayal, anger, humiliation, and hurt are valid and you should let your cheating partner know it. On the other hand, avoid any form of violence during the confrontation.
Here is what you should do. First, ensure the kids, if you have them, and other parties are out of the room. It should just be you and your partner. Then ask him up front if he is cheating on you. If he lies, present the evidence you have. If he admits it, ask him why. His answer will determine if you want to go ahead with the relationship or end it.
5. Don’t blame yourself
When you are cheated on, it is easy to blame yourself as the cause. In fact, the Nigerian society often blames the woman for her husband’s cheating. They will accuse her of making their home so uncomfortable that the “poor” man is forced to look outside.
So that feeling of inadequacy will be there. Acknowledge its existence but do not let it define you. Cheating is cheating and a cheater has no one else to blame but himself. If he was unhappy with you, he should have let you know from the beginning. If he wanted out of the relationship, he should have told you so. Using cheating as an excuse to express his dissatisfaction is selfish no matter how justified he may feel.
6. Decide on what you want to do with the relationship
As previously stated, your partner’s response to your cheating allegation should determine if you want to continue or not. If he shows enough remorse and you still have room for forgiveness especially if it is his first time cheating, may be you should consider giving the relationship another chance.
However, if he is gaslighting by either denying despite your overwhelming evidence or blaming you for his cheating ways, maybe you should think twice about staying in the relationship even if you two have been together for a million years.
This is a time to be selfish. Put yourself first. Ask yourself the pros and cons of staying or leaving. If staying favours you better, then stay. If not, dear walk away and never look back.
7. Seek professional help
Whether you decide to end the relationship or not, you need to talk to someone. Having a cheating partner can take an emotional toll on you and you need a listening ear from a neutral party to help you get you past the pain, disappointment, anger, despair and all.
So do not view yourself as weak just because you went to see a therapist. You need healing and no one has the right to dictate how you get it.
Conclusion
Before ending this discussion, it is important to understand that you must never confront the other woman no matter how tempting it is. She does not owe you any loyalty, your partner does. You will only be a source of ridicule and hurt yourself more if you do.
Focus your grievances on your partner. Follow the steps discussed above, not because you want to be seen as a good person but for your own peace of mind.
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