Blue balls: Facts and fiction

Blue balls: Facts and fiction

Ah, blue balls! The horny man’s ultimate weapon. Many ladies have found the defenses of their skirts overpowered because some man appealed to their sense of empathy and claimed they were in pain because “their body was full”, hence “it hurts down there”. Chai! The lengths my gender will go to sometimes just to reach the promised land.

Now, that isn’t to say that there is nothing like blue balls; it actually does exist. It just isn’t as serious as men, in a bid to get into a lady’s pants, usually claim.

Blue balls and what causes it

The term blue balls is slang for a medical condition known as epididymal hypertension, which refers to scrotal pain or a feeling of heaviness in the scrotums after an extended period of sexual arousal without orgasm or ejaculation.

Symptoms of blue balls can include:

  • Ache or discomfort in the scrotum
  • Dull or sharp pain that can extend from the groin to the lower abdomen
  • A sensation of fullness or heaviness in one or both testicles (although usually without any overt swelling)
  • Sometimes — just as the name suggests — a faint bluish color in the testes (also known as testicles).

The topic of blue balls is a controversial one since there is no medical consensus that it exists, and there has also been very little research into it.

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Causes of blue balls

During the process of arousal, the body channels blood into the penis and testicles by expanding the surrounding arteries; the veins that are supposed to carry blood away from that area are then restricted so that the blood stays there in order to maintain an erection. Then, after ejaculation or when the body is no longer aroused, the veins open up and blood flows out of the genitals, returning the swollen penis to a flaccid state.

However, if the body remains aroused for an extended period without getting that release or drop in arousal, extra blood can remain in the genitals instead of getting re-circulated around the body. This, in return, can cause some discomfort and pain, although this does not usually last long. Semen retention (intentionally avoiding ejaculation), can also cause blue balls.

“Neither blue balls nor pink pelvis (the female-bodied equivalent) is dangerous or bad for you,” Gigi Engle, an ACS, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, says. “The myth that blue balls is somehow dangerous or super painful is born out of the idea that men need to ‘release their ejaculate, a myth that is designed to pressure women into sex.'”

Hence, let’s get one thing clear: while blue balls is a relatively common phenomenon, that fleeting testicular pain is just that… temporary. It is not going to do any long-term damage. If your orgasm is interrupted during sex, you might be uncomfortable for a few minutes (or even hours), but that’s pretty much the whole extent of it. You won’t die.

Before I go on, I feel like I’m going to need witness protection after this article comes out, since I am exposing the lie behind one of the men’s most potent and last-ditch weapons of getting a woman into bed. I think my life might be in danger.

How to get rid of blue balls

The best way to get rid of the discomfort that blue balls bring is to either ejaculate or distract the mind by engaging in non-arousing activities. And contrary to the claims of the Horny Men’s Association, a partner is not necessarily needed to relieve blue balls; masturbation can take care of the problem.

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And if you’re feeling disgusted at the thought of masturbation because it’s apparently a sin, and you don’t want to go to hell, so you lying to Nkechi that your balls will burst unless she allows you to quickly go one round is a ticket to heaven?

Blue Balls: Facts and fiction about this legendary illness - skabash
Once again, Angel Gabriel is looking at you from heaven, wondering if he should finally send that thunder with your name on it

Other ways to get rid of arousal without sex or masturbation include:

  • focusing on work or a problem to be solved as a distraction
  • lying down to increase the blood flow away from the testicles
  • taking a cold shower to help restrict blood flow to the genitals
  • applying a warm compress to the testicles to ease the pain
  • exercising in order to encourage normal blood flow in the body
  • lifting something heavy to exert pressure on other areas of the body, if possible

Over-the-counter (OTC) pain relievers, such as ibuprofen, can also help treat more intense pain.

Myths surrounding blue balls

Blue balls is not actually dangerous or life-threatening, despite the lies that Broda Kamoru has been feeding Nkechi all these years. Any discomfort or mild pain should subside once the erection has passed and blood flow to the genitals returns to normal.

As mentioned above, sex or a partner is not needed to relieve blue balls. You can take matters into your own hand (literally) or just do apply Nigeria’s First Law to it and ignore it in the hope that it will go away, which it actually will.

While the testicles do not actually turn blue like a Chelsea mascot, they may take on a faint bluish hue due to the increased volume of blood in the area.

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And just so you know, not every pain in your scrotums means your body is full and you need to unload; if you’re experiencing severe and sudden pain there with or without arousal, this might be a sign of testicular torsion, which means you need to seek help. Testicular torsion occurs when a testicle gets twisted in the scrotum, cutting off the blood supply and causing swelling (OUCH!). And unless the condition is treated quickly, the testicle can die.

Blue Balls: Facts and fiction about this legendary illness

A varicocele, which occurs when the veins in the testicles become enlarged to the extent that the enlarged veins are visible, can also cause pain and discomfort. A varicocele usually happens on the left side of the scrotum.

Other causes of pain in the scrotum and its contents include infections like epididymitis or injury, so if you keep experiencing continuous pain or discomfort in your scrotum or testes, it’s not a sign that you’re a man called Elemi nine lives (man of nine lives). Get thee (and your balls) to a urologist.

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A couple of unexpected turns in life found Jimmy with a metaphorical pen in hand, churning out content and living in his head so much that he knighted himself the Pen Dragon. He is also an avid reader, gamer, drummer, full-blown metalhead, and all-round fun gi
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